For 2011, Matt Van Winkle (soon to be guest blogger) challenged me to play every game in a casino. As I typically spend all my casino time either in the sportsbook or at a poker table, I was excited to expand my gambling horizons. The plan hit a slight snag, however, when I spent the next eight months unemployed and sleeping on a friend's futon in his spare closet (or, to use the scientific name for the phenomenon, "Graduatingus Law Schoola"). I suppose gambling on credit was an option, but then isn't that how we ended up with our current economy, which put me on the couch/bed (look Mom, it does both!), which led to my need to gamble on credit? Trapped in an incapacitating circle of logic, 2012 snuck up on me before I could check this particular new year's commitment off my list. There was nothing left to do but bring it back for a second chance (at love, on the most hyperbolic season of the Bachelor yet!).
In 2012, flush with cash from my new job (well, flush in comparison to 5 years of living off graduate assistant stipends and student loans), I packed my bags and headed to Las Vegas. When the plane touched down Thursday, my mind's eye pictured James Bond in Casino Royale: me, tux, blond nuclear scientist in a distracting red dress, Chinese foreign ambassador, Pai Gow. Then I hit the strip and learned minimum bets on table games in any casino James Bond would patronize started at $20 and that Kelly refused to drug someone just so I could pilfer through their briefcase for classified documents. By Sunday morning, I had given up my dream of a James Bond like experience. Then it happened. I found it. I found THE Casino Royale.
Casino Royale is not quite the casino one might expect. First, not a single person remotely resembled a Chinese ambassador. Rather, after taking my place at the slots, I found myself pinched in between Larry the Cable Guy and The Situation's doppelgangers. Second, the waitresses asking gamblers for drink orders were not exotic in the sense that they were mysterious looking women but exotic in the sense of their contagious diseases. In fact, the only thing about Casino Royale that lived up to its reputation is the fact it appears on no map. Seriously, go check it out on Google Maps. Casino Royale is situated right next to Harrah's, but the only thing that shows up in its location is a Subway. If that's not secret-agent stuff, I don't know what is.
Also of note about the Casino Royale, it only has like eight tables dedicated to just four types of games. Crossing off "play every table game in a casino" became much cheaper and less time consuming thanks to Casino Royale. After losing my free play at slots, I headed over to the three card poker table. The dealer seemed somewhat perturbed she had to explain how to play three card poker to me, so the woman to my left took over for her. Assuming we were both betting against the house, I decided to trust my fellow player and bet like she told me to. Next thing I knew, I was up $30, so I left that table like a dine-and-ditch. Moving to the roulette table, I placed a minimum bet of $5 on 7, 30, 18. 7 and 30 were for Kelly as that was our wedding date; 18 was for our friend Danny who had spent 2 hours and 300 dollars the day before waiting on the 18 to hit and it never did. It didn't hit for me either and neither did the 7 or 30. After losing $20 of my $30, I moved to the black jack table. I placed by $5 bet and won, then lost, then won, then lost, then lost. With only $15 left of my original winnings, I moved to the Casino Royale's last table: craps. I positioned myself to be the third roller. The first roller looked pretty lucky, so I put out a bet on her. She won $10 for me. Her husband looked like he'd crap out first chance he got, so I just waited. In fact, he did. My turn came, and I finally felt like James Bond. Confident, under control, and debonair with the dice in my hands. With a casual, yet assured flip of my hand I sent them bouncing down the table, tumbling along the felt, and then kicking up and over the side to disappear underneath a slot machine. After the table attendant located new dice, I managed to win $35.
What did I learn from my new year's resolution? Well, one, I'm not Bond. Two, this whole recession is a fluke. If I had only known it would be so easy to win $60 when I was next-to-homeless, I would have gambled on credit like a mortgage lender high on sub-prime (I minored in economics, so I can put the words in an order that sounds like I know what I'm talking about even though I have no clue if they actually make sense together). Thanks, Matt!
